I called around to insurance, and Home Health care providers trying to get someone who could provide better care for William, and also some help with his care, as I estimate I spend 4-6 hours a day feeding him, probably should be more, and he can eat so it's not right to do surgery for him just because I don't have the time. I was in tears when I reached a pediatric home health provider after 20+ minutes on the phone with insurance only to find a provider that doesn't do pediatrics. The talked to me and referred me to a few providers that do pediatrics. I called the first one, told them our story about William eating 2oz in 9.5 hours, and that we need some assistance with his care but aren't sure how to get insurance to cover it. They said they would help and took my information. I was in tears while giving them my information because I finally found someone who could help. We talked and they are going to ask for up to 70 hours a week of PDN (private duty nursing) for William, and gave me what I needed to have my doctor fax to them. Orders for up to 70 hours, medical information, letter of medical necessity.
Mother of a "Special" Child
When I was young, I'd often say,
I'd like to be a mom someday
While playing with my baby doll,
I thought that job's not hard at all
I'd have a baby, maybe two,
a girl in pink...a boy in blue
Well I grew up and sure enough,
I'm now a mom and gosh it's tough
The baby that was sent to me,
was born with disabilities
At first I'm frightened through and through,
there's much to learn to care for you
This wasn't in my plans at all,
when I was young and played with dolls
Your mind and body were so weak,
you might not ever walk or speak
So much special care required,
I'm often scared and often tired
As months and years go slowly by,
I smile a lot but sometimes cry
To watch you grow and not complain,
though you endure your share of pain
Oh, how I'd hold you and I'd pray,
that you'd be healed and whole someday
But I knew that was not to be,
not physically or mentally
And so I taught you best I could,
your progress wasn't very good
But then one day I realized,
as I gazed into your loving eyes
That I had learned so much from you,
determination...courage too
A love so unconditional,
it floods my soul and always will
I'm proud to say I gave you birth,
for you're an angel here on earth.
God Choose a mother for a "Special" child
Most women becaome mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressure and a couple by habit.
This year nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?
Somehow I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.
"Armstrong, Beth; son. Patron saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."
"Forrest, Marjotie; daughter. Patron saint, Cecelia."
"Rutledge, Carrie; twins. Patron saint, Matthew."
Finally He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child."
The angel is curious. "Why this one God? She's so happy."
"Exactly," smiles God, "Could I give a handicapped child to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."
"But she has patience?" asked the angel.
"I don't want her to have to much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it."
"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has his own world. She has to make her live in her world and that's not going to be easy."
"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you." God smiles, "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect - she has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps - "selfishness? is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a 'spoken word'. She will never consider a 'step' ordinary. When her child says 'Momma' for the first time, she will be present at a miracle, and will know it!"
"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see...ignorance, cruelty, prejudice....and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing My work as surely as if she is here by My side".
And what about her Patron saint? asked the angel, his pen poised in mid-air.
God smiles, "A mirror will suffice."
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